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Beauty in the Breakdown
it's so amazing here
these things I'll never say. 
19th-Apr-2012 09:12 pm
party naked!
Dear Andy,

I’m sorry I was so cold to you after I sort of led you on. I didn’t mean to and I am terribly damaged. I kind of wish I had just gone for it, because I feel like I missed the bus on the teenage sitcom and you were the only shuttle out of there. Also, for a while we had had a pretty strange connection. You were funny and you made me laugh. It wasn’t until I started worrying so much about what other people were thinking about you and me that I shied away. We pretty much lost all contact, even though you were at my family parties and barbecues. How weird was that?

I think about you and Chris a lot. Mostly because you’re two of the only guys that have ever liked me enough to pursue me and I shut both of you down. Your motives were see through, and quite frankly it was a super turn off. Why does knowing that someone likes you do that? It worries me though and makes me think that you were just in it because you thought I was desperate, nice, and easy. Although, I have to say that in retrospect, being those things wouldn’t have been so bad. Well, everything but desperate. Everyone thought you were weird, and I wonder if you care. Or... I mean, I think that that’s what everyone thought. It’s so hard to tell isn’t it? People don’t say what they’re thinking 24/7, and even when they do talk I wonder if they’re telling the truth. I think that means that I have trust issues, which, you’know wouldn’t be a surprise.

I also don’t know why I’m still thinking about this. It’s been six years since I we’ve even really talked. It’s probably because I’m watching freaks and geeks and it makes me think about all the stereotypical high school stuff I missed out on.

Sincerely,
that girl from high school that can’t let things go
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