I don't know what's been going on lately, but my shit has been hotter than a chili pepper. I legit haven't received this much attention at once... well, ever. I think that I must be sending off pheromones or something because not only have I been attracting mothy men to my flame, but they've been relentless.
Like this one guy I met on the subway stairs. I was texting Olivia, telling her that I wasn't going to make it to her apartment because I was all sweaty and it was late and out of the corner of my eye I watched someone amble up the stairs, almost pass me and then step back and stand in front of me. I let out a sigh and thought, 'here we go' as I sent off my text and looked up to actually see a tall, lanky black man standing in front of me with a boom box. I smiled (not my best move) and said hello, hoping that it was enough to dazzle him as I attempted a smooth side step. I failed and he matched my movement like a dance.
"You're beautiful." He told me. "Let me take you out to lunch."
"No thank you," I tried again to skip past him and he matched me again.
"C'mon, you're so beautiful. Let me treat you right."
"That's very sweet, but no thanks, I really need to go home and shower." Completely true, I had sweat my balls off at my yoga class and was still drenched in sweat an hour later.
"Then give me your number, please?"
"No, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend." Not true, but this usually dissuades them.
"I don't care."
"I do." I started fumbling for words, completely at a loss at this point. "I know your intentions and it wouldn't be fair to him if I said yes."
"He doesn't treat you right like I would."
"Oh no, he's really good to me and it wouldn't be fair." I attempt to skirt past him again and he hopped back in front of me. Curse those small stairs.
He back tracked and seemed to remember polite conversation and introduced himself as Antonio. I told him my name was Lea and that it was a pleasure meeting him and I hoped he had a wonderful day. At this he put down his boom box and took my hand for what I assumed was a shake but turned into it being a hand sandwich.
"Your hands are so soft,"
"Thank you," I said politely as I none-too-subtly tried to yank my hand back. I eventually get my hand back after he turns it over between his for a solid sixty seconds. I see a window and make my final break for it past him and clear the last three stairs in one fell swoop.
I realize I need to refill my metro card and that Antonio has followed me to the machine. He asked for my number again and tried to give me his name so that I could facebook him asking me if I'd remember how to spell it. I said yes, another lie, but then he shook his head and whipped out his phone, asking again for my number and begging me to let him take me out to dinner. I politely declined every time and it wasn't until I was safe through the barrier to the subway did he start shouting his address at me.
I really don't understand Antonio's logic or method... or why he was after a sweaty, smelly, girl with clearly no interest in him. Maybe he does it to every girl. That'd actually make me feel a little better. I just hope I'm not the next Olivia. Homeless men absolutely love her.